no fellowship for me and susan today. susan had a competition. my mom wanted me to stay home. did u guys miss us? LOL. i guess i'll see you guys next week. after the SAT. wish me luck?

well, the past week has probably been the worst one ever for me: got almost no sleep, had tons of work & tests, and almost everyone around me was down or moody.  everything was just being thrown at me all at once: tests/quizzes/papers/projects/disappointments.  i was supposed to do SAT prep this week and drill vocab, but let’s see… did i even have time to breathe?  so yeah, the SATs are in one week and i’m sooo not ready.  AP exams are coming up, and then comes SAT IIs.  it feels as though every time i finish something, theres always another thing waiting for me.  one thing after another, like a never-ending cycle.  is that how life is supposed to be? 

sometimes i wonder if its just my own fault.  is it because i take things too seriously?  why do i care so much about grades, or why am i such a perfectionist?  why do i try so hard for something that probably wont matter in the long run?  i mean, when we grow up, will it really matter if you got a 99 or a 75 average in high school?  who’s gonna care about that physics test that you failled or that english paper you “forgot” to write?  and the SATs?  arent they just stupid exams made by the college board to make themselves rich?  life is more than choosing the right answer on a multiple-choice exam.  why cant i be more relaxed and not nag myself as long as i try my best?  wouldn’t that make everything so much easier? 

let me tell you a funny story (well, maybe funny’s not the right word):

yesterday at around 7, i was online looking through some summer programs.  then somehow, i fell asleep.  i woke up at around 12 and found myself in my bed.  so somehow, either susan or my parents got me off the chair and dragged me all the way over to my bed without waking me up.  shows how tired i was.  haha… the funny thng is that i woke up not knowing what had happened.  i thought that it was morning.  so when my mom asked me if i was hungry because i havent had rice the entire day, i was kinda confused.  lol.  then i remembered: wasn’t i on the computer?  i got kinda scared cause i thought i was hallucinating or something.  hehe…  then i finally asked susan and she told me that i really was on the computer.  so yeah, i’m not insane =P